I had my week 2 weigh in yesterday. I did great, but I feel unease. I lost 4 pounds. I should be overjoyed, but I’m not. Why? Am I trying to sabotage myself? I have a few friends who also are on a journey to being healthy. I almost feel guilty that I am doing well. Some are more dedicated than others, and are doing great. Others have lost a little focus.
I worked hard last week. I ate well, and did a lot of activity. I love that in cleaning my house I earn activity points. It helps to motivate me to clean more. Somehow my house doesn’t show it. Never ending laundry and dishes. Toys being put away while others are taken out. I feel like I have fallen into a rut. I do the same things every week. I guess that is what life is like. We can’t always be doing new fun exciting things. Some things just need to be done all the time, like laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.
I find joy in the little things. Like listening to Jake talk. He is getting very good at speaking in sentences and really expressing himself. I like to see Nick smile. He has started to laugh a little too. Little baby laughs. Its great.
Feelings like I am having now worry me. I don’t have them often. Usually I am far to upbeat for the amount of sleep I get. I worry about becoming depressed and how that could affect my family and my life. I was never diagnosed, but I am pretty sure I went through a short bout of depression a little over a year ago. I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt. It affected my relationship with my husband. It made me not want to do anything. I soldiered on and luckily started to feel better when I took steps to change. I joined weight watchers the first time. I started exercising more. It was great.
I don’t feel like I am falling back to where I was, I just am in a funk today. I’m sure by the end of the day I will feel better. Its gloomy looking outside too. That sure isn’t helping.
Ok, I need to put my big girl panties on and get stared with the rest of my day. If I sit here and think too much I will feel worse and won’t get anything done.