Rage!

No, not the video game.

I have written about my lack of patience and frustration in the past. I am embarrassed by the fact that I let my emotions get the better of me. I wanted to write about my anger because I am sure there are others out there who are facing the same problems but unsure what to do.

Today, I got completely angry with Jake. Well, with life in general. I was trying to finish packing a box of birthday gifts for my father. Jake was trying to climb on my back, take all the packing peanuts out of the box, take my tape, jump on me, take things out of the box, take the scissors, grab packing material and run away with it laughing. Matt was home, since he had a late flight and was holding Nick during this time.

Looking back, Jake just wanted some attention. I just wanted to finish packing the damn box! I was getting increasingly more and more frustrated. I also was doing all the “wrong” things. First I told Jake to stop, then I spanked his hand as he was grabbing at the packing material, then I just was moving him away as he tried to grab things and in the end I just put him in his room for a minute for me to stop. That doesn’t sound bad as I type it out, but I was having a hard time not yelling at him and giving him a good hard spanking. I probably should have stopped packing and put all that stuff away. I could have packed later. He is two. He just wants to play.

After I was done packing I left Nick home with the hubbster and set out with Jake to the UPS store. You would think that I wanted some time away from him, but I knew that he just needed some fresh air and a little alone time with Mom. He behaved in the store and was a sweetie. As we were pulling into the parking lot he told me, “I like you a lot Mommy”  unprompted.

Well, I like him too 😉 I love him. So, as Jake is taking a nap now I started to do some research. I wanted to get some ideas for what I could do to calm my boiling blood next time.

The American Psychological Association has a page titled Controlling Anger before it Controls You. What a good thing to read if you are having anger issues.

Here is a short list of things to do when you are faced with anger:

  • Take deep breaths (from your diaphragm).
  • Repeat a calming word or phrase. Like “Relax”, “Take it Easy” or “He is only two”
  • Resolve to do better, but not punish yourself if you don’t always rise to your new standard.
  • Try communication (works best with adults)
  • Use “silly humor” which can defuse your anger and also give you perspective.
  • Change your environment
  • Be aware of yourself. If you tend to get frustrated more easily at night, try not to get into discussions when your tired. If you always get angry at your child’s messy room, close the door.

Well, I am going to try to practice all those points listed above. I will make a plan and try to follow it when faced with frustrating situations.

Another good tip for parents especially. If your child is aggravating you and you feel like you might loose control just step away. It is better to leave a crying child in their room/crib for a minute while you compose yourself rather than do something that can not be undone.

The above information and opinions are my own. I have taken some information from the APA website, but I am NOT a mental health professional. If you are feeling angry or depressed please seek out professional care. 

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4 Responses to Rage!

  1. jamesandjax says:

    What a well written, honest post. Thanks for sharing. I know lots of moms have this issue & feel awful about it. You’ve shared such great info. I will link to your post via Twitter & FB.

    I get upset with Jax, too, sometimes. I rely on distracting him, sometimes with things he isn’t usually allowed to have. That often will buy me 5 minutes to finish whatever it is I’m so intent on doing.

  2. Elsa Barbi says:

    Funny..my husband acts the SAME way! Muah!

  3. MamaRobinJ says:

    I just posted about this today and yesterday…sort of. Mine was really about rage as part of postpartum depression, but I still get the way you describe sometimes. And, like you said, A LOT of the time it’s because my son wants attention and I’m doing something else. I’m really learning to pay attention to that. Good suggestions here. (Followed Jaime’s link to this from FB.)

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